"When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew." - William Shakespeare
It was June 19, 2012, and I had just submitted my mission papers to the bishop. My bishop gave me an hour-long lecture about keeping my possibilities open, which included marriage, and to not be closed-minded. Typical BYU; right? I thought so too. I walked out of that meeting thinking, "Why did he talk about that so much? I'm a month away from getting my mission call, and there's no way that I'll meet someone I'd want to marry before then."
But... it was only a few days later, June 22nd, when I decided to text Jordan and see what he was doing that night. I just wanted to hang out with him because we had had so much fun at our friend's cabin a week or so before. Within two minutes of sending that text (no, that's not an exaggeration), Jordan was at my door. He walked me out to his car, and then I suddenly realized, we were on our first date! Who knew sending a simple text would lead to that? But I'm glad it did.
This is when Jordan and I went to the Manti Pageant
with our stake, less than a week after our first date.
We went to the duck pond and talked for hours. It was so much fun, and the conversation flowed so smoothly. It really was the first time I realized that something serious could happen between us. It was fun to be with Jordan. We were both happy.
After our date was over, I couldn't help thinking about my mission papers. I realized that sooner or later, I would have to make a decision between dating Jordan and going on a mission. I knew it would be a difficult decision because it would also be one of the most important decisions of my life. Because it was summer (and probably because I get stressed so easily), I decided to put off the decision and just enjoy the moments that were happening now. I decided I'd cross that bridge when I needed to cross it - and I didn't want to cross it anytime soon.
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Jordan and I at the beach (and, oh, how we miss it)
We spent almost all day everyday together because we lived literally 100 feet away from each other. We had already been good friends for about six months, but we got to know each other on a whole new level. And it was great.
Not even two weeks after we started dating, Jordan had to leave with his family for a 4th of July vacation in Idaho (for a whole week!). It was hard to say goodbye, but soon enough he was gone, and then I was left alone with my thoughts.
In the meantime, my mission papers were still being processed, and I was to meet with the Stake President for my final interview on the same Sunday Jordan was supposed to come home from his family vacation. With the interview coming so soon, I knew I needed to make a decision. It was either continue to date Jordan and put off the mission, or go on a mission and stop dating Jordan.
There was no logical way that I could have both. I knew I couldn't ask Jordan to wait 18 months for me while I served my mission. I've never been the kind of person to ask such a sacrifice of someone else, especially when we had only dated a few weeks. I wanted to go on a mission so badly, but I wanted to date Jordan just as much. I prayed every night for what seemed like hours, but there was no answer. I felt good about going on a mission, but I also felt good about dating Jordan. I felt utterly lost. I realized that maybe the Lord wanted me to make the decision myself because both were good options. So I did.
After getting advice from family and friends, and after lots of prayer, I made my decision. I was going on a mission. (Remember, Jordan was still in Idaho when I made this decision).
As soon as I made the decision I had a huge pit in my stomach. It was probably because it was such a big decision; right? I waited a few more hours and the feeling didn't go away. What was wrong? Maybe I needed to pray about the decision a little more? So, once again, I put off the decision and waited for a more concrete answer to my prayers.
The next morning Jordan called me (he always has perfect timing) and asked if I would postpone putting in my mission papers. He said he felt like our relationship had some good potential. But if it didn't work out, I could always submit my papers again. His idea made total and complete sense, and it was fair for both of us. I told him I agreed. I also told him that when I met with the Stake President that Sunday, I would tell him to postpone my papers. Jordan sounded relieved and told me he was going to come home early so we could talk about it more in person.
Jordan came home, I postponed my papers, and all was well.... almost. I still couldn't get my mission papers out of my head. I had worked so hard to be able to go on a mission, and now I was setting it aside for the time being.
I asked my mom for advice, and she told me that in order to see if the relationship really would work, I had to fully commit myself to it. I couldn't keep sitting on the fence about everything. It was a lot harder than it sounds, but I finally did it.
A week after Jordan had come home, Jordan and I decided to sit around and just watch a movie for the evening. As soon as the movie finished, I had an epiphany. A question came to mind: What was it that I couldn't risk losing? Jordan or a mission?
The immediate answer was Jordan. I couldn't picture my life without Jordan. And going on a mission wasn't worth the risk of possibly losing Jordan. I loved him. That's what it all meant. I loved him and never wanted to live another day without him.
Within a few seconds of these thoughts (literally, I didn't even have time to talk), Jordan looked at me and told me he loved me. I started crying because I had just realized the same thing - probably at the same time he had. We were in love.
Everything that was happening made me realize that the reason I had felt so sick about my brief decision to serve a mission was because it wasn't the right decision. Whatever the reason, I wasn't supposed to go on a mission (at least not at that time). My prayers were finally heard, and Jordan truly was the answer to my prayers.
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